Wednesday, April 14, 2010

My crazy nite.

The weddings off.. For good. Me and Steve aren't even together anymore, I didn't think I was ready to get married because like I'm 17! And that's like really young to be getting married. And I don't think it would have worked out, yeaah kno? I mean I don't think im ready to be with one man fir the rest of my life, I can't trust myself. I was hoping Steve would understand and maybe stay with me and we could get married in the future.. When I'm older and matured. But I guess he saw it differently then I did. The next day I went on chat and he told me he doesn't want me anymore cause soda convinced him I change my mind like way to much. Then he said soda thinks he found a girl for him. I felt like shit about all of it because of the fact we had it all planned out and he was so excited! I think everyone was excited about it an I bet Now their choked at me for deciding this. And I think I waited too long to cancel it, I waited til the 7th.. And the wedding was gonna be on the 9th. So what I'm trying to sy is sorry to everyone, exspecially Steve. I didn't mean to hurt you how I did



Since I was feeling so bad about what I has done, after I told Steve I needed time to think and wait til I was older to get married, I did something I promised myself I would never do again... Ever, ecspeixally not pregnant. I was alone and I guess you could say innsecure, so I called up an old friend.. And got some stuff off of him. I met him at the lot, it was a quarter passed nine and it was surprisingly nice out, the whole walk over their I was feeling aalot of guilt in my stomach, I knew I'd regret this, and i'd probly hurt my sweet , innocent , unborn son I satill have yet to meet. I got to the lot , i saw some guy walking towards me , it was a black figure with his hood on , at this point I could barely breathe. I got the heroin and as he was walking away I was counting the steps he took. After standing in the dark for what seemed to be like hours but was only really minutes , I started walking home. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, all the tears going down my cheeks.. As much guilt I felt I thought the only way I could get rid of it was it I was high, that's how I always use to get over things. I got a needle and ejected it. It was a feeling I haddent felt in a while, as soon as I felt it hit me I wanted to take more and more and more until I died. I wasn't thinking of how bad this was hurting me baby, If Courtney Love did this while pregnant and her kid turned out fine, so would mine. The high was coming up more and more and more, until I couldn't take it. I thought I was dying i was having trouble breathing and could move , I was happy and sad at the same time, happy because I thought I was dead and everyone wouldn't have to worry about me anymore, and sad because I knew my baby didn't deserve this, he deserved way more then this. He should have a long happy life , so with all my strength I had I pocked up my phone and texted Steve saying "help" then I passed out.

5 comments:

  1. I get how ur sad I really do. But doing heroin wile ur Pregnant were u even thinking? even if u wern't pregnant that's still bad. I hope u and ur baby are ok

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  2. I knew I'd regret it. I feel so bad for doing this. And the doctor says I'm really really lucky for my baby to be alright. Maaan I feeel terrible now :( fml.

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  3. Awe Evie, that was a stupid thing to do. Your lucky as hell to be ok, and that the babys ok. I hope you don't do it again <3

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  4. Evester D:. U silly goose. I feel for ya kid, I really do. But u could hav killed ur baby, and he didn't do anything to u :/. sigh..just stay away from that stuff eves. I kno I kno, heroin is quite magical :D. But lay off of it. It's not good ferr u or ur baby muchach D:.

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  5. Evie. you know what Im gonna say. Drugs and shit are a bad thing to do. Esspecially when your pregnant. I love you and all but Im gonna fucking shank you soon :]

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