My crazy nite.

The weddings off.. For good. Me and Steve aren't even together anymore, I didn't think I was ready to get married because like I'm 17! And that's like really young to be getting married. And I don't think it would have worked out, yeaah kno? I mean I don't think im ready to be with one man fir the rest of my life, I can't trust myself. I was hoping Steve would understand and maybe stay with me and we could get married in the future.. When I'm older and matured. But I guess he saw it differently then I did. The next day I went on chat and he told me he doesn't want me anymore cause soda convinced him I change my mind like way to much. Then he said soda thinks he found a girl for him. I felt like shit about all of it because of the fact we had it all planned out and he was so excited! I think everyone was excited about it an I bet Now their choked at me for deciding this. And I think I waited too long to cancel it, I waited til the 7th.. And the wedding was gonna be on the 9th. So what I'm trying to sy is sorry to everyone, exspecially Steve. I didn't mean to hurt you how I did



Since I was feeling so bad about what I has done, after I told Steve I needed time to think and wait til I was older to get married, I did something I promised myself I would never do again... Ever, ecspeixally not pregnant. I was alone and I guess you could say innsecure, so I called up an old friend.. And got some stuff off of him. I met him at the lot, it was a quarter passed nine and it was surprisingly nice out, the whole walk over their I was feeling aalot of guilt in my stomach, I knew I'd regret this, and i'd probly hurt my sweet , innocent , unborn son I satill have yet to meet. I got to the lot , i saw some guy walking towards me , it was a black figure with his hood on , at this point I could barely breathe. I got the heroin and as he was walking away I was counting the steps he took. After standing in the dark for what seemed to be like hours but was only really minutes , I started walking home. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, all the tears going down my cheeks.. As much guilt I felt I thought the only way I could get rid of it was it I was high, that's how I always use to get over things. I got a needle and ejected it. It was a feeling I haddent felt in a while, as soon as I felt it hit me I wanted to take more and more and more until I died. I wasn't thinking of how bad this was hurting me baby, If Courtney Love did this while pregnant and her kid turned out fine, so would mine. The high was coming up more and more and more, until I couldn't take it. I thought I was dying i was having trouble breathing and could move , I was happy and sad at the same time, happy because I thought I was dead and everyone wouldn't have to worry about me anymore, and sad because I knew my baby didn't deserve this, he deserved way more then this. He should have a long happy life , so with all my strength I had I pocked up my phone and texted Steve saying "help" then I passed out.

So heres whtas going down.

Sorry guys i havnt posted in some time now D: , Ive needed time to think.. But anyways, heres whtas goign on.. Poor poor Johnny :( Pony got Brooks eggo preggo, Now i feel real real bad for him :(. && For me.. i dunno what to say. Lets just say im not doing as wel as m usually doing. Latly ive been very depressed.. its like i dont wanna do anything. Im not being myself!. And im tempted to do alot of tihngs i know im not sapose to do, if you know whta i mean by that.., Not to metion i'm starting to have second thoguhts on alot of things. I havnt told anyone about this cuz it would make tihngs worse.. ugh i dont know what to do! if i say somthing to anyone it'll get out nad il be fucked.. but if i keep it to myself for much longer ill be fucked when its to late. But i really really dotn wanna cause anymore dramma then there already is.. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!! When ever i DO plan on telling people, please dont be mad, i just dont tihnk ... i can. Well tonight im letting all these fuckign stupid emotions out ~! gonna go blow off some steam! hopefully ill stay away from trouble and temptations... but i have a pretty good idea on whats gonna end up happening. i promise ill update tomorrow about tonight. it shuld be waaaaay more intereting them this stupid short post.